Author: unsupermoms

Stormy Silver Linings

~ unsupermoms ~ 1 Comment
Even a dark storm cloud has a silver lining,
you just have to keep looking til you find it

These past couple of pandemic years have been tough on everyone, not in the same way or to the same extent, but it is clear that children and adults everywhere are fatigued, even the lucky ones. And now, as we pass into the third year of the pandemic, and medical professionals raise concerns about the new omicron BA.2 variant, casting a shadow on our recently mask free exuberance and the early signs of Spring, I think it is a good time to reflect on silver linings. (I wrote about silver linings earlier in the pandemic, but I guess I needed to revisit this idea!)

These COVID-19 years have been no joke, but we have all learnt things, grown in new ways, or (re)discovered simple joys of some kind.

For me, one of the things that stands out from the Spring of 2020, if I look through the fog of panic, fear, anxiety, and uncertainty, is how much time I spent with my kids. We rode our bikes almost every day, we discovered new parks around us, we had more picnics in that one Spring than perhaps in the rest of their lives put together. And then there was homeschooling… Not an adventure I care to repeat, but we learned side by side, we built dioramas of a dinosaur zoo and a dinosaur circus. We created timelines, we did science experiments, we made many, many messes in the kitchen! So as much as it was a scary and trying time, there are many great memories and mementos that we will carry with us, along with our new hand-washing habits.

Another benefit of the pandemic, at our house (like many others), was that the boys had their dad around for the first time in years. He wasn’t always packing his bags and heading to the airport. He certainly spent more than his fair share of hours on Zoom, and was still not available all the time, but there were lunch breaks at the park, or the local burger joint; afternoon games in the basement; early morning walks or family breakfasts. And perhaps most wonderfully, Dada snuggles at bedtime.

And of course, the decreased travel was a boon to the planet, if not the airlines! There was also less traffic on the roads, and we saw more foxes and raccoons in the neighborhood than anyone expected. There were rabbits hopping around the neighborhood joyfully, and birds and squirrels chittering more loudly than ever. In the mountain towns, there were moose in the streets and among the houses. The sky seemed bigger and the stars brighter. And the streets were full of children, strollers, bikes, dogs, grandparents. Families were spending time together and getting outside. They have since retreated back behind their doors and fences, and resumed their commutes, and it feels like a real loss, for nature and for families.

Friends found new rituals and different ways to connect. I started walking with a group of moms every week, and we supported each other through the fears of sending kids back to school, the details of sanitizing groceries, the worries about our parents far away. Some friends started walking to a local bakery every Saturday to get pastries to take to the park, or took pizza to the playground to enjoy with others, or ‘traveled’ the world learning about different countries and cooking meals to match their destination. Creativity became a necessity because we couldn’t go out the movies, or the bowling alley, or the mall. Families made things together – home-cooked meals, extravagant cakes and confections, fresh bread, or in our case a water fountain and sooooo many pompoms!! Some people took up new skills, with many baking bread, nursing sourdough starters, making their own yoghurt, sewing masks and headbands for medical workers. And the occasional ambitious soul learned a new language or took up botanical painting.

We learned to appreciate and enjoy our home, our neighborhood and our state. We drove around Colorado and took to wandering around in small towns, discovering mesas, mountains and valleys, exploring ruins. We learned that we didn’t need to fly to far away places or stay in fancy hotels to have a good holiday. In fact, these simple adventures and hours around a campfire gave us more time to connect and spend time together strengthening family bonds. And honestly, watching two boys covered in dirt and soot roasting marshmallows on a campfire as their eyes glitter with delight, is one of life’s great joys!

So yes, the pandemic has tested us all in myriad ways, and many days really sucked, but from my current vantage point, we have had much to be grateful for, and the slower pace of life has been a beautiful opportunity to stop and smell the roses.

Ordinary days

~ unsupermoms

Several weeks into government lockdown in many parts of the world, something is becoming clear… This is not an extended Spring Break, and things will not be ‘back to normal’ soon! We are going to be at home self-isolating, washing our hands, and wearing pajamas for the long haul. I have read many articles that talk about feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and even experiencing a sense of grief and loss. This is the end of life as we have known it, and things will not return to the way they were in a hurry, if ever. One common theme is that all these big feelings are normal during a time like this, a time of global catastrophe, a time that has been likened to war.

And yet, in the midst of all this change, uncertainty, and fear, there is still a bizarre pressure on parents to perform. Now we are home all day every day as a family. We need to keep house, source food, cook meals, clean up, teach kids, attend to other work and responsibilities, find ways to stay sane and safe and healthy… And yet, whatever we do, there is always someone who is doing more – using this time to learn a new language, take up an instrument, study philosophy, make masks for the whole community, shop for neighbors, learn to bake bread, get in shape, plant a vegetable garden, start painting, write a novel… And of course, as ever, these accomplishments are loudly and visibly displayed on social media.

I’m sure you’ve read one of those blogs where the posts start with things like “We’ve been so busy using up all of the bounty of the garden to can summer’s goodness for the months ahead/ getting started making holiday treats for all our friends and family (in June!!)/ making fresh salads that our toddlers just love (?!?! )/ feeding our unicorns… but we managed to put together this adorable craft that is great for teaching literacy, numeracy and juggling to kids…” You know the ones I mean, right?

And you find yourself thinking… What am I doing wrong? I have no bounty in my garden, other than resident weeds; I couldn’t force-feed my kids salad unless I covered it in rainbow sprinkles (and even then…); I have no time (or inclination to be honest) for canning anything or making homemade holiday treats for myself, let alone others… And I am literally home ALL THE TIME. I should have time for this, shouldn’t I? I should be doing something remarkable with this time. I should at least be working out every day and making delicious and nutritious meals every night. And yet, I feel constantly busy. I am not shedding pounds or taking up sewing or repainting the house. I am exhausted at the end of every day.

And, actually, I feel pretty good about serving fish sticks if they come with a side of frozen peas (an excellent meal when time and energy are short) or PB&J as a balanced meal any time of day. I feel pretty good when I wear something other than yoga pants for no particular reason. Or leave the house without food or homeschool projects somewhere on my person.

I love spending time with my boys – on family walks, cooking together, playing outside, doing crafts, building puzzles, but I wouldn’t even try to sell or even give away anything we make (except to grandma 😉 and I would not try to suggest that it is all perfect or even peaceful. I treasure the moments when I manage to speak coherently to another adult or I can look at my whole family, clean and fully clothed, for a minute or two.

I want to connect with other UNsuper moms – ordinary people who are just getting by and juggling every day, sometimes screaming at our kids, spouses, dogs, passers by… ordering take-out, wearing wrinkled clothes, wishing for a robot helper who could do all the stuff we don’t have time or energy for… I want us to support one another, rather than judging or competing.  I want to build a community so that we can be there for each other, even in some small way. That is why I share my stories. And I hope you will share yours too.

UNsuper moms and dads and oumas, I see you, I salute you, I support you! I am here to share the journey and offer insights and lessons I have learned along the way, often by accident. Please share your comments and stories. This is how we survive. And laugh! I look forward to seeing you back here and hearing about your UNsuper day!

Quarantine fatigue

~ unsupermoms ~ 2 Comments

panda_nap

It has been about 6 weeks, give or take a year or two, since we started lockdown, or what some more flatteringly call ‘sheltering in place’. The first couple of weeks were a novelty – making colorful schedules for each member of the family, embarking on homeschooling, printing out loads of fun activities for the kids every night, meal planning for the week ahead, cooking delicious meals, baking as math every other day, regular family movie nights, lots of bike rides… This time seemed like a gift and we tried to suck the marrow out of every day and maybe tried to sneak in some reading, writing and arithmetic on occasion. We had a large stockpile of groceries and library books acquired on the eve of lockdown.  There was little fear, lots of hope, boundless free time and freedom from schedules. Of course it was weird, and somewhat distressing, but it was rather novel and not too bad at first.

Then it was Spring Break and spirits fell. No trips. No fun places to go for the day. No bowling, no swimming, no parks. The early days of Spring Break were some of the worst for me. It felt like life was an endless reel of repetition and we would never again do anything but watch TV and chase each other around the back yard. I was crabby, the kids were crabby, everyone around us was crabby. If you think about this as a grieving process, a process of letting go of life as we knew it, this was when denial gave way to anger.  We went from “This is no big deal. It is actually wonderful to have more time to be with family. I am so enjoying this break from our hectic schedule.”  to “Why have they closed the playgrounds? How are children supposed to play? How dare they close schools? How are we supposed to educate these kids when we have work to do? Why can’t we go out to eat? Do you know how much work it is to feed this family every damn day? When is someone going to do something?! We can’t live like this. It is not FAIR!!’

And then schools ramped up their remote learning and suddenly there were Zoom meetings everywhere you looked and we were scrambling for enough devices to keep every member of the family connected. (And we are a family with a gadget dad who has iPads stowed on secret shelves and who could jump in for IT support.) This was a tough time for logistics. I became a personal assistant keeping my kids’ calendars organized, making sure they got to their meetings on time, troubleshooting connection problems, and figuring out sound and mute buttons for meetings. And of course, cheerleading to keep everyone motivated to go to meetings and get some ‘school’ done. We were so busy, that we didn’t really stop to take stock. Once again – like before COVID, or even more so – we rushed from one appointment/ class/ activity to another, with one kid needing to be on Zoom, and the other on Google hangouts, and me on email and dad on a conference call. And in between the laundry piled up, the dishwasher ran constantly, the house got messier, putting on day clothes became optional, showering happened less often… We were stressed out and exhausted.  Anxiety and depression set in.

It finally dawned on me that I had lost control. The kids were miserable, I was plagued by anxiety and fatigue. I felt like I was constantly trying to get people to do things they didn’t want to do, possibly even myself. We started every day with power struggles about which meetings they HAD to go to, and which homework or tasks HAD to be done today. Our days had been hijacked by well-meaning interventions and too many resources and activities and tasks!

So slowly, day by day, last week marked another change of direction for us. After yet another Monday that started with tears and a tenuous hold on sanity, I finally admitted that endless Zoom lessons do not work for my 5 year old. I told his teachers that we were bowing out, and got a most wonderful response. Basically, I was reminded that kids are allowed to be kids. Encouraged, I then made the call to pull some classes from my 9 year old’s schedule as well. Again, the teachers were understanding and supportive. This is not a time to push, it is a time to be kind to kids and understand that they, like the rest of us, are going through a lot. They too are grieving the loss of their lives, the loss of the only ‘normal’ that they knew, the loss of social time with friends, and being able to play without masks and gloves and endless hand sanitizer.

Only a few days into this new trajectory, we had the best day we have had in weeks. There were fewer tears and more smiles. My 5 year old arranged a ‘playdate’ with a classmate on Facetime and they chatted for over an hour. I have not seen him so animated in weeks! They talked about animals, moss, clowns, songs, and who knows what else. It was absolutely heartwarming to watch. My 9 year old had a games evening with his class and he laughed as he tore around the house collecting items for some sort of scavenger hunt.  We played, we drew, we listened to stories and we sat in the sunshine. The day floated by and for the first time in a while, I didn’t keep checking the clock to see if it was a decent hour to just turn on the TV. Not much ‘school work’ got done, but there was probably some math in our board game, there was a little reading, there was real connection with friends. Isn’t that a successful school day anyway?

And then, finally, we had the first Monday in a long time that didn’t make me want to tear my hair out. Rather than just survive, we actually enjoyed the day. I never once had that anxious panicky feeling or the sense that my boys were miserable and I didn’t know how to help. It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, and some moments got a little near that dangerous edge, but overall we were productive and not stressed out and frazzled. We painted and read books and even figured out long division in between planning a pancake party and eating snacks in the sunshine.

I don’t know if I would call this the final stage of grieving. I am sure there are more ups and downs on this rollercoaster, but maybe we are approaching acceptance. But perhaps, more importantly, we have taken control of our schedules, even where there is still so much out of our control. At least if we can decide whether to go to a Zoom meeting or not, whether to focus on painting or writing, whether to do a baking project or go for a neighborhood bike ride, we are calling some of the shots. And if we are steering the boat, instead of just being tossed around by the tide of coronavirus unknowns and uncertainty, we feel better about being out on the stormy seas.

So, yes, we have quarantine fatigue, and yes, it has been a bumpy ride. But I now believe we can get through this, however long it takes. As long as we continue to talk to friends and family and give each other pep talks. As long as we can see a real human being, who doesn’t live in our house, from time to time, even if it has to be at a distance. As long as recognize that we are all in this together, but are all having very different experiences. As writer Damian Barr wrote on Twitter, “We are not all in the same boat. We are all in the same storm.” stormy seas

We are again beginning to appreciate the time we have together. We are witnessing signs of Spring , and working in the garden, and seeing nature and her creatures reclaim their space. We are noticing how hard teachers are trying. We are grateful to be together, to be able to order paint and paper online, to be eating well. With a few special people supporting us, at some distance, we can do this.

The gift of time

~ unsupermoms ~ 2 Comments

In January, we came back from a wonderful holiday in South Africa and I found myself very aware of time. While we were away, time was fluid and generous. We spent whole days staring at the ocean and digging in the sand.  We ate when we were hungry and slept when we were sleepy. There was plenty of time to be together, watch the waves, fish in tidal pools, gather around the fire and braai some lamb chops or crayfish tails, or even just sandwiches. I don’t think I once said, “We don’t have time to make a fire tonight” or “It will be too rushed if we try going to the beach now”. We just flowed along with the days, waking to see the sky lighten and invite us down the beach for a morning walk or a scramble on the rocks, and finally growing dozy with the pinks, purples, and oranges of sunset, as we watched the sun sink into the sea. The day in between was free – we could simply sit, cook, start a fire, play in the tidal pools, dig in the sand, talk about our lives, read our books, doze off in the shade…

And of course, that was holiday, and daily life is a little different, but it struck me as we got home and the kids said, “It was nice when we were away. We didn’t have to worry about anything”. I was saddened that these lovely little boys feel that their regular daily lives are too rushed and too stressful. This should not be the case for a long time to come. I want them to have that sense that time is fluid and generous, there is plenty of time to live, play, and be. I don’t want them to worry about all the things they have to do, complete, achieve. And we generally take a pretty low key approach, or so I thought. The boys don’t have many after school activities. They do have to go to school every day, a fact they like to complain about bitterly, telling me how they would much rather stay home and have time for their projects. They are creative souls who love to draw, paint, invent, design, experiment, tell stories… And it is clear they do no feel as though time is on their side. They come home from school tired, and pretty soon it is time for dinner, bath, and bed. And the day is done. We are not rushing to sport or clubs or events, but even so, there is precious little time to be kids, to play, to create, to have a sense of time’s generosity.

I have been wondering if I am creating this sense that time is precious and limited. Because of my own stress and long to-do list, have I made them feel that there is never enough time to just be? How do I undo this? How do I free them? How do I return the freedom of childhood to them? We watched the movie of “The Little Prince” while we were away. It is a beautifully made movie based on the timeless tale by Saint Exupery. A little girl lives in a world of charts and to-do lists; a world without color or joy. Bt meeting the aviator and hearing his story about the little prince, she rediscovers childhood and color and play and joy. And she learns that human connections are what matter most, and the heart is what guides us to “see rightly”. It is a very moving story and stays with me because I see our lives in the grey, structured, joyless life that the little girl leads. Of course, the movie shows extremes to make its point, but it frightened me to think that we may be sucking the childhood and the color out of life by worrying about time “running out”.

When I was a child of about 10 or 11, I had a teacher who constantly talked about “getting ahead”. I never understood what we trying to get ahead of, and why. It seemed to just cause stress and put pressure on everyone, but the reason for doing this was never clear to me. Looking back, she was living that life of charts and achievements which left little room for children to be children. She was focused on exam results which would lead to more exam results which would lead to better colleges and “brighter futures”. But would any of the children enjoy learning? Would they be happy adults? Would they add color and joy to the world? Would they even care about the planet or other people?

I am reminded of another book I read as a child, “Momo” by Michael Ende. It has been a long time since I read the book, but I remember the horror of the time thieves who stole time and made people feel more and more stressed and rushed. It feels like life has continuously sped up over the last 50 years, so that we are attempting to do more and more, always be connected (to our devices, but not necessarily each other), meet deadlines, make profit… We have lost the ability to just sit, to enjoy simple pleasures like a home-cooked meal, a walk in nature, a conversation with a friend; or even just a little flower on the side of the road. Has all this “progress” really helped us? Our planet is sick, animal species are rapidly going extinct, people are obese or suffering from high blood pressure, there is never enough time! And instead of healing ourselves with food and exercise and human connection, we attempt to take a quick fix of pills or such, and keep going at the same breakneck pace. So even as we are allegedly more efficient, and have more technology to help us, we live emptier lives. We are lonely, isolated, anxious, disconnected, never allowed to stop…

Until now. We have been forced to stop. To stay home, cancel all activities, and just be. We have no choice but to learn how to get along with ourselves, without all the distractions we are used to. We are required to cook and teach and learn and live, every day. We are confronted with the challenge of creating our own structure, finding new comforts, just making it through each day. Of course, it is not easy – we are breaking every pattern, disrupting every routine, forbidden every comforting ritual. We can’t drive in to work, eat out, meet friends at the pub, play tennis, climb a play structure, send kids to school!!

But in spite of that, it almost seems as if this novel coronavirus brings us a gift. We are free from the obligations that had us rushing from place to place, day in and day out. We finally have time to let kids be kids – to play, create, make messes. We finally have no choice but to stay home and get to know ourselves. You may choose to clean the house from top to bottom and sort all the junk drawers. You may choose to be super homeschool mom and give your kids a better education than they would ever get elsewhere. You may try to juggle your work from home with their school from home and the endless need for snacks and those aggressive attention-seeking dust bunnies. You may decide to learn the violin, or study French, or write your first novel. You may be overwhelmed with anxiety and barely making it through the day sometimes.  You may be facing a storm the likes of which you’ve never known. We will all experience this differently, and deal with it differently, and that is OK. There is no rulebook, there is no HAVE TO, there is no ‘proper’ way to live this strangeness.

90056321_2079218732223803_1709524677480677376_oMy wish for all of us, amidst the battering waves and uncertainty, is that we can take time to enjoy life, smell the roses, taste the honey, marvel at the colors of the world. Without worrying about what we have accomplished or whether it is enough. 

 

 

And maybe, if we can be patient, we will begin to heal from the manic pace and relentless pressure on ourselves, our families, and our planet.

 

Parfaits

~ unsupermoms ~ 1 Comment

yogurt cups2This is a silly little post, but one I wanted to share all the same… I think we could all use some levity right now! Obviously, I started writing this at the beginning of the school year and it is now March, and quite possibly the end of school for the year (for those of us in the US anyway…) Anyway, with kids home all day and needing constant feeding, getting them to make yogurt cups is an easy way to keep them entertained for a while, and get snack taken care of at the same time. They don’t need supervision as there is no cooking involved and the mess should be limited… Right?

I took my Kindergartener shopping for a lunch box in August since he would be starting school – big school with his big brother. We shopped for a while before we found anything to his liking. And then, when we were almost done, he spotted snack cups. These cups have two compartments, connected by a middle section which also houses a spoon. He was thrilled by this discovery and insisted we buy two – one for him and one for his brother.

For the past week, these cups have been in constant use and a source of great joy and creativity. The cups can be used for dips with fruit or veggies, yogurt with toppings, cheese cubes and crackers or apple slices, or whatever you can dream up.  Of course, right now, packing snacks is not really a thing, but hear me out on the concept… We have found that the yogurt parfait has been a real winner, and the boys spend hours making their own concoctions. We try to always have plain greek yogurt in the house, so that is their blank canvas. They start with a stir-in, at this stage the favorite is an extract, typically vanilla, mint or lemon. Then they sometimes add some lemon juice or zest as well and often a drop or two of food coloring to go with the theme. Fruit purees made an entrance today, as well as a dash of juice from maraschino cherries which served as flavor, color, and sweetener. The toppings have included graham crackers crumbs, sprinkles, chocolate chips, cereal, granola, mini marshmallows, dried fruit, nuts, pumpkin seeds…

yogurt cups

The resulting snack is mostly a high protein unsweetened yogurt, with just enough fun, sweetness and crunch to make it exciting. And the best part is watching the boys spend ages in the kitchen dreaming up concoctions, digging for ingredients, zesting lemons, pureeing raspberries, squeezing oranges, chopping strawberries to just the right size and then even naming their special blends!

And now, with my husband ever more focused on healthy eating habits, I have introduced chia pudding. Chia seeds are high in protein and fiber, and when soaked, become gelatinous, creating a pudding-like consistency. If you soak them in coconut milk or kefir, you have basically created a superfood, with very little fuss, and even kids will eat it, especially with a little maple syrup or honey added, and perhaps a dash of vanilla extract or lemon zest. The pudding mixture can be run through a blender if desired, for a smoother finish. I would mix, blend, and then refrigerate for at least 2 hours, or overnight. Finally, top with fruit or crunch or a scoop of yogurt. Bananas or pineapple cooked until caramelized add a delicious sweetness and flavor. Again, you can give your creativity free reign, or soak the seeds overnight and then let the kids fancy up their own puddings in the morning. Here are the basic ratios/ ingredients for one serving.  Play around and see what works for you! This can be breakfast, snack, or dessert.

chiapuddings

 

  • 2 tablespoon chia seeds
  • 1/2 cup almond milk, coconut milk, cashew cream, or other milk of choice
  • 1 teaspoon honey, maple syrup, or other sweetener, as desired
  • pinch of salt
  • dash of vanilla or other extract
  • 1 tbsp cocoa powder for a chocolate chia pudding, maybe with some chocolate chips too?
  • fruit, granola, yogurt or other toppings of your choice

 

We have to talk about something other than that virus sometimes, so why not frivolous parfaits?! And aren’t they pretty? I hope the colors cheer up your day! Have a parfait day!

Anxiety

~ unsupermoms ~ 1 Comment

interview-anxietyx800 Worrying about your kids seems as part of motherhood as apples are part of apple pie. I don’t know if it ever stops. When your heart is running around in the world outside of your body, exposing itself to failure and cruelty and pain, it is hard not to worry. And hard not to want to wrap it in cotton wool and keep it safe, away from harm. And hard to let go.

But all this worry can turn into an anxiety that begins to take on a life of its own. I have seen very calm, rational, reasonable women turn themselves inside out because of fears and worries about their babies. And this has never been more true than it is right now. Anxiety is no longer just about our kids, but also about ourselves, our community, our world. The myriad uncertainties and unknowns are making us all a little edgy. The days at home with kids out of school are new and challenging for everyone. Parents trying to get work done, keep the household afloat, find supplies in increasingly empty grocery stores… Why is everyone hoarding toilet paper anyway?! The worry about how to keep ourselves and our families safe can be all-consuming.

Every day begins calmly enough, but the anxiety is often quick to arrive; sometimes even joins us for breakfast. Like so many people around the world during these COVID times, I am grappling with ways to stay calm and focus on the positive. Of course, advice abounds about yoga and meditation and deep breathing. While this is great in theory, I don’t find that it always the most practical or most effective, especially for young kids who might be feeling scared and worried too. What I have found more helpful is lots of playtime, getting outside every day if at all possible, extra snuggles and stories. We also have a meeting every morning and make a plan for the day. The goal is not to make a color-coded schedule that we have to stick to, just to make everyone feel heard and to give ourselves a feeling of structure and control when all normal structures have fallen away.  I keep reminding myself that there are no expectations and I do not have to ensure my kids do maths every day. It is hard to let go of the sense of obligation, the guilt about not doing enough. But there is no one measuring or judging our performance! We are all just doing our best to get by, to make the most of a really weird situation, to stay sane, as well as healthy. Can we agree to allow ourselves to figure this out day by day? Can we forgive ourselves for hours of TV; for pb&j three times a day; for hours, days and weeks spent in pajamas? It is all OK. This is a new normal and we need to be kind to ourselves.

My particular brand of anxiety is often accompanied by trouble breathing normally, as if the tightness in my chest prevents me from getting full, deep breaths. This usually starts when I feel out of control, thrust into uncertainty, unsure what to do next.  This anxiety so often stems from a feeling of obligation, whether real or imagined. And that is the worst! How can I stress myself out so badly that I can barely breathe, because I am not doing something that I imagine I should be doing? No one asked me to do it, no one probably really cares whether I do it or not, and if they do, they would certainly forgive me if I bowed out due to feeling overwhelmed, or exhausted. This happens from time to time during ‘normal’ life, often because we are doing too much, or I feel as though I have lost control of my schedule. In these COVID times, there are many other reasons to feel anxious. Finally, we have time and we not rushing, and the only obligation we have is to stay home, for the sake of our families and our communities. But so much is unknown about the virus, about how long this social distancing will last, about how our lives will change forever! Everyone worries about different things in times like these, but many of us worry about getting sick, about spreading the disease, about losing a loved one. We worry about the people who are losing their jobs, can’t make rent, have nothing to feed their kids. We can’t take on the worlds’ problems. This virus has spread globally and affected people, families, and communities everywhere. It is too much to take on.

So let’s focus on what we can handle. Let’s start at home. Hug our kids. Be kind to ourselves. Connect with family and friends by phone or web. Play games and read stories. Have bubble baths. Make messes. Eat good foods. Drink lots of water. Get enough sleep. And of course, wash our hands and stay home!

 

Silver Linings

~ unsupermoms

Right now it seems like every day is a mixture of anxious chest tightening and smiles about sweet moments. I definitely have more to say about anxiety, and what helps me deal with it, but right now I want to focus on the silver linings of this enforced time at home. And by the way, focusing on the positive and noticing the things we are grateful for, are great ways to combat anxiety! It seems to me there are several benefits for parents and kids, and whole communities, and even benefits to the planet. So I’m going to share a few of the silver linings I have noticed. And I would love to hear about some of the moments that have warmed your heart or made you smile.

In our neighborhood, I hardly see any cars any more, but there is a constant stream of families walking together, with their dogs, with strollers, with kids on bikes or scooters. I have been on almost daily bike rides with my boys, and even a 4 hours epic bike adventure (field trip 😉 to a park where we watched the ducks, drew the tree bark, and took photos of nature. And I think the planet is heaving a sigh of relief as fewer people drive back and forth to schools, work, airports, and endless activities. Perhaps we are all relieved to be rushing around less.

When my 9 year old said, ‘Whaaaat?! Time to load the dishwasher AGAIN?! It feels like we do this a million times a day!!’ it made me smile because he coming to understand the myriad small tasks that have to be done constantly to keep a household going. He also learned how to sew up a hole in his pajamas, and was so proud when he could wear his ‘new’ pajama pants again (because let’s face it, it’s all about pajamas these days!).

My boys are playing together in new ways, making up stories, learning tennis with their dad (who is home for a change!!). My 5 year old made a koala puppet talk the other night and had the whole family in stitches with the slow, lazy voice, the tales about the koala family, the detailed facts about eucalyptus trees… We are navigating a new normal, but there are many wonderful moments as we spend every day and night together, really seeing each other.

I know that there are many who are less fortunate… losing jobs they dearly need, struggling to take care of their kids who are suddenly home from school, not getting the hospital bed they need… But today is about the silver linings. Because that is what I need what today to be about.

So here are some shiny silver linings for us to focus on today…

  • families are spending time together and kids are getting more attention
  • people of all ages are spending more time outdoors
  • people are driving and flying less, which is great for our planet
  • fewer activities means we are all rushing less and resting more
  • older people are relieved from extra responsibilities and given time to rest and reflect
  • people are finding new ways to support one another and show care
  • business are forced to innovate and think about ways to meet changing needs
  • many online subscription services are offering free service during this time, and many face to face providers are providing online support, particularly for kids
  • homes are cleaner than ever
  • projects that have waited too long for attention, are finally getting done
  • people are organizing, cleaning out their offices, spring cleaning their homes
  • kids are getting more involved in household chores and learning new skills
  • families are reading more, together and individually (YAY!!)
  • siblings are finding creative ways to play together and to try to get along
  • kids have time to be kids again – they have time for open-ended play, drawing, and time to come up with creative ideas like video bake-offs and drawing challenges
  • families talk and listen and make plans together
  • kids are more involved in meals and learning about healthy eating
  • people are more conscious of self-care, and as a result generally more kind
  • we are all learning to make our own daily structures in the absence of calendars filled with obligations
  • we are closer to nature and noticing the tiniest buds on the trees, the first spring bulbs, the changing colors in the grass or leaves
  • the planet and its people are drawing breath

I will leave you with this poem, which does a beautiful job of focusing on silver linings. Sending warmest wishes to you and yours, from our home to yours.

Stay home. Stay safe. Stay well.

Lockdown

Yes there is fear.
Yes there is isolation.
Yes there is sickness.
Yes there is even death.
But,
They say that in Wuhan after so many years of noise
You can hear the birds again.
They say that after just a few weeks of quiet
The sky is no longer thick with fumes
But blue and grey and clear.
They say that in Italy people are singing to each other
across the empty squares,
keeping their windows open
so that those who are alone
may hear the sounds of family around them.
They say that in the West of Ireland
a young woman is spreading fliers with her number through the neighbourhood
So that the elders may have someone to call on.
All over the world people are slowing down and reflecting
All over the world people are looking at their neighbours in a new way
All over the world people are waking up to a new reality
To how big we really are.
To how little control we really have.
To what really matters.
To Love.
So we pray and we remember that
Yes there is fear.
But there does not have to be hate.
Yes there is isolation.
But there does not have to be loneliness.
Yes there is sickness.
But there does not have to be disease of the soul
Yes there is even death.
But there can always be a rebirth of love.
Wake to the choices you make as to how to live now.
Today, breathe.
Listen,
The birds are singing,
The sky is clearing,
And we are always encompassed by Love.
Open the windows of your soul
And though you may not be able
to touch across the empty square,
Sing.

Richard Hendrick
March 13th 2020

 

 

Parenting in COVID times

~ unsupermoms

Well, I have about 20 unfinished posts drafted, but it feels like this is the time to talk, to connect, to share ideas. A few shorts weeks ago, we heard about this new virus in China. We felt slightly concerned, but it was far away. Then within the last few days, things changed more rapidly than we could have ever imagined, and we went from concerned, to stockpiling to self-isolating, practically overnight. Now schools are closed, business are increasingly closing their doors, cities and states are declaring states of emergency… We are suddenly navigating a new normal. Every day is a new adventure, a new challenge.

I am not going to try and share facts about COVID – there are way too many of them out there to keep straight as it is. I am not going to share links about where to find the facts, or the latest news on the subject – again way too much of that already, and I frankly think we may need a break from the constant assault of news. All I want to do, all I can do, is share my feelings and my experiences.

So, here we are, almost a week since schools closed, trying to understand how to live this new life. My boys had missed 2 weeks of school before the doors closed. They had colds and coughs, and it really didn’t seem to be the time to send even slightly sick kids to school. So we have had a lot of time together lately. But now, the dynamic has changed. I feel obliged to teach them things, and they are acutely aware of the change in routine, the newness, the strangeness of staying home beyond a few days, beyond their sniffles. And of course, there is the general anxiety. Theirs, mine, the neighbors’, grandparents’, friends’… We are trying to limit our exposure to news and the virus. Trying to find ways to be kind to ourselves, to one another, to our community – from afar. Trying to enjoy the time together beneath the cloud of COVID.

So yes, this is traumatic for most of us, in one way or another. We are the lucky ones, struggling to figure out ‘homeschooling’ and how far to stay from others at the park. Many have much more to worry about – how to pay the bills, how to feed their families how to care for kids when they still have to go to work, whether they will be able to get the medical care they need… But none the less, even the lucky ones are all dealing with some sort of trauma. Parents and teachers are grappling with ways to care for kids in new ways, grandparents can’t be with their families, children are out of sorts and trying to make sense of their new days at home. Some parents are weirdly over-attentive, and full of routines and charts, some parents are desperately trying to work at home, leaving kids to hours of TV, some may even be playing board games endlessly. No matter what, these days are different for kids, and different can be very hard on children. So we try to stay calm, at least on the outside, and do what we can to be ‘normal’, like get up and have breakfast and brush our teeth. We tell them it’s our job to take care of them, and they don’t need to worry. We struggle to set up routines for our unstructured days, to create a semblance of order. (More on all this soon… I will share some resources for talking to kids about COVID and managing their anxiety and your own. I will also share some activities we have done, and hope you will do the same. Because stir crazy is real!)

Amidst the trauma, the challenge, the lack of toilet paper, the empty grocery store shelves, we also have a unique opportunity. We have the chance to spend real time with our families – those that share our home that is. We have an opportunity to show care and concern for those further afield with calls, online grocery orders, drawings from the kids, music played on the square for all to enjoy from their homes… We get to do all those projects we have put off for months, or didn’t have the time or energy to do. Most importantly, we have time to slow down, take stock, and take care of ourselves. And we have a call to be kind and to show some compassion – everyone is handling this differently, finding their owns ways to cope, to have fun, to protect or assist their communities. Let that be OK. And find your own way, even if that means lots of mess, lots of TV, and whole days in pajamas.

Back to school hiccoughs

~ unsupermoms ~ 1 Comment

backtoschool1

It is that time of year (in the northern hemisphere), when days grow a little shorter, evenings grow a little cooler, and families shift their focus from long, lazy summer days, to the structure and routine of the school year. It is a bittersweet time for many – the end of a special time when your children were just your children again, and they played for hours with water, sticks and leaves… It can be sad to bid farewell to afternoons by the swimming pool, hotdogs grilled outside, ice cold watermelon slurped in the heat of the day, skin warmed and toasted by days of carefree outdoor play…  Yet, for many it is a relief to know that more structure, more clarity, more mellow autumn days are coming their way.

For us, it has been a rollercoaster of firsts – first day of school for each of the boys, first week completed, first full week without interruptions, first time doing each extracurricular activity, first soccer practice, first playdate with a new friend, first day of tears and exhaustion after a long summer break, first time mama comes to help at school, first disagreement with a classmate, first project tackled, first rush out the door to two school drop offs, first time packing lunch again, first time bringing snack for the whole class, first lost water bottle, first bad day…

And it continues! I only realized as I was talking to a friend that I was holding  my breath and only breathing out a little at a time as each major first was successfully completed. One breath out after oldest son’s first day. One big breath out after youngest son’s first day. Breath out at the end of a full week of school for both boys. Breath out after our first helping day at youngest son’s preschool. Some breath is still caught in my chest as I try to find time to help in older son’s classroom, wait to see how soccer goes, wonder whether youngest son will still kick in his heels and refuse to go to school one morning soon… But at least I am breathing again, a bit. And sleeping again, a bit. And thinking about what I might like to do with my few free hours, a lot.

I have turned into a mom with routine charts and a calendar that shows every family member’s plans and commitments for the day. I have started laminating things, packing back packs at night, enlisting the boys to lay out their clothes at bedtime. We are still struggling to get out the door, to pack lunches, snacks, backpacks, water bottles. We are barely managing breakfast some days. We are trying to make sure we brush teeth and put on sunscreen. We are driving up and down, a lot.

Calm-the-Chaos

But also, we are gaining independence, every one of us. We are all making new friends. We are discovering new possibilities, new interests, new routines. We still have no idea what we are doing, and how we are going to make it all work, but there is a sense that we will get there, that we will somehow figure it out, and that it will all be worth it in the end. So we keep getting up, getting dressed, scrambling through our morning routine, giving each other hugs and reassurances, and getting on with the day.

Visual schedules and routine charts have helped, especially in the mornings.

Getting clothes laid out the night before has been great.

Packing lunches, snacks and sweatshirts the night before is essential.

Lots of positive reinforcement, extra hugs, snuggles, and stories have made it a bit easier on all of us.

And the rest we just make up as we go along. And now we are 10 days in to the little one’s school year, and we are still standing. Standing taller, in fact. So we keep at it and hope that our muscles will get stronger, we will get fitter, and this will all get easier. Hopefully soon!

 

 

 

 

Rhubarb Cake

~ unsupermoms

rhubarbI have never cooked with rhubarb before. It has been one of those aspirational ingredients that I see when it appears in the seasonal displays and imagine making into wonderful treats. Then I either buy it and let it rot in the fridge because I have no idea what to do with it (not very Earth friendly or economical), or I decide to wait until I have a good recipe and then never actually get around to finding one or taking any further action. My mom always speaks fondly of rhubarb, and I have enjoyed it when other people have prepared it, but it somehow always daunted me.

But this week, I bought some. And I found a recipe. And I actually made it! The boys helped me and even so, it took less than half an hour to get the mixture into the oven. It bakes for a while (about 45 mins), but it was done in time to sample our handiwork after supper. The rhubarb was tart and zesty, the cake was moist and scented with vanilla. We added some strawberries because they were about to get mushy and that worked wonderfully too. Both boys absolutely loved the cake and had no concerns about the tart and unfamiliar rhubarb. And they loved mixing and measuring and sprinkling the top with colored sugar. The crunch from a sprinkle of sugar is really delightful, and if you have sugar in different colors, why ever not turn your cake into modern art?

This recipe is really very easy to make, and not at all intimidating. The rhubarb does not even need any cooking or special treatment. You just slice it and mix it right into the batter. And it plays really nicely and adds a whole new dimension to the cake. Please try it next time you see a beautiful fresh red display of rhubarb and see how friendly it really is! (This recipe is originally from The View from Great Island.)

Ingredients

  • 1/2 cup half and half  with 1tsp lemon juice (or use buttermilk or half greek yoghurt and half milk)
  • 1 stick (1/2 cup, 113 grams) unsalted butter at room temperature
  • 1 cup (214 grams) granulated sugar plus 2 tsp for sprinkling
  • 1 large egg, at room temperature
  • 1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
  • 2 cups (256 grams) all purpose flour, plus 1 Tbsp to toss with rhubarb
  • 2 tsp baking powder
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 2 cups thinly sliced rhubarb

 

Instructions

  1. Set oven to 350F (180C). Butter or line a 9×9 square baking pan.
  2. Cream the soft butter and sugar using a mixer or a willing child 😉 Beat in the egg and vanilla, scraping down the bowl as necessary.
  3. Whisk together the flour, baking powder, and salt.
  4. Take 1 Tbsp flour to the rhubarb and toss well.
  5. Add half of the flour mixture to the butter mixture and blend in. Add all of the half and half, and blend in. Finally add the rest of the flour and blend just until combined, don’t over mix. Fold in the rhubarb. Note: the batter will be thick.
  6. Spread the batter into the prepared pan and sprinkle the top with a little sugar (or sprinkles or colored sugars of your choice!).
  7. Bake for about 40-45 minutes, or until the cake is turning golden and a toothpick in the center comes out without wet batter clinging to it (moist crumbs are fine.)
  8. Let the cake cool slightly before cutting.

Serve with cream, vanilla ice cream or custard.

Delightful!