On the eve of Valentine’s Day, I find myself reflecting on the past week, and the lessons I have learned about love… Last Sunday I spent all day with kids while their dad was working. At the end of the day, I made them dinner, gave them a bath, read stories and snuggled them into bed. After that, I cooked two suppers (one for the grown ups and one for Monday night, knowing we’d be home late from school), made school lunches, got everything laid out for breakfast, checked the kids’ backpacks were ready (including the necessary full change of clothes for the little one), and then edited the document dad had been working on all day. I felt very accomplished; for once I was a bit like a super mom! And then I collapsed into a self-righteous sleep.

The reason I did all this crazy stuff (which isn’t really that crazy for moms, is it?) is that I was a bit nervous about Monday – the first day back to school after weeks of sickness, husband traveling at dawn after a long stint at home, kids likely to be sad and still dragging a bit, and me still coughing and spluttering. But my preparation paid off! Me and the boys made breakfast together, we ate (with no fuss), and then they helped me clear the table, unload the dishwasher, and get the kitchen tidy… And they even got dressed, brushed their hair and teeth, and put their shoes (or rainboots) on without me having to nag!! I was amazed how well everything was going, and continued congratulating myself on my planning and preparedness. Of course there was enough laundry to sink a small ship, the kitchen table is still invisible under craft projects in progress, the living room was a pillow fort, and the kids essentially ate donuts for lunch on Sunday – but you have to celebrate the victories to keep going!

The week continued in this vein, with lots of teamwork, many house cleaning tasks completed daily, boys helping with dinners, and so on. I tackled organizing projects that I have been avoiding for months, and stayed up too late trying to come up with better systems to try and keep things tidy. On Tuesday morning, the boys came racing upstairs, begging me to hurry up and get dressed because the toast was made and the table set and they needed me to come and cook the eggs! I was almost tearful when I rushed downstairs to find three plates on the table, each proudly sporting a single slice of toast. These are major milestones, worth celebrating!

By Thursday, we were melting crayons to make hearts for Valentine’s Day, and I was melting too. I had burnt out after a week of trying to do it all – from cleaning, to cooking healthy, fun meals, to tidying and organizing the entire house, crafting, reading, snuggling, signing petitions, following the news, being a sweet and engaging mom every minute… and I don’t even have to try and fit in a job outside of home! It’s not that I don’t usually do most of this stuff anyway; it was more the intensity and the extra pressure on myself to make it marvelous, that made this week too long. This is why being super mom doesn’t work! I can just be a good enough mom with super moments. If I try to do more than that, I neglect or utterly exhaust myself, and it all begins to unravel. So, I guess I just need to stick to being UNsuper…  These words give me comfort, when I feel I’m not being super enough: “Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired.” Mother Teresa

There have been many articles popping up on Facebook about activist burnout, often saying, ‘this is a marathon, not a sprint’. They remind those who are active in the resistance against dictatorial destruction, to rest, take a break from social media, surround themselves with people who share their mission, drink water!! And to celebrate the wins. I love these reminders! And they got me wondering whether there are short pithy reminders like this for moms? Catchy phrases and memorable graphics? We certainly deserve the same praise, recognition, and encouragement! We need that group of like-minded friends and fellow parents around us. Parenting is no short-term gig or a job you can leave at 5pm. (Actually that’s when the hardest shift usually starts!) It’s pretty much 24/7/365 for 18 years or more. Arguably much more!! I still talk to my mom most days so you could say her job has continued over 40+ years, though the hours are arguably a little shorter now! And for me, with young kids in my care, I don’t make a single move without thinking of them first. I don’t plan to have so much as a cup of tea with a friend without first planning what they’ll need, where they’ll be, and who will be lovingly watching over them. And if I can’t tick all the boxes, I’m not going out. It’s that simple. And relentless. And sometimes lonely. So yes, burnout strikes from time to time!

While thinking about burnout, I stumbled on some quotes from Mother Teresa. An unlikely inspirational figure for me in some senses, but then again, maybe not. Her title was Mother after all. And her main message was love. So here I am, mother and novice activist, finding surprising wisdom and inspiration as I reflect on her words. I loved that quote about loving without getting tired. And here is another good one: “Everybody today seems to be in such a terrible rush, anxious for greater developments and greater riches and so on, so that children have very little time for their parents. Parents have very little time for each other, and in the home begins the disruption of peace of the world.” I love the way she brings the focus home. This is the wisdom I was raised on too – my mom always talked about making time for your family, saying that ‘charity begins at home’. Giving time and attention can be tiring, but it is what we all crave. My mom spoke about people wanting to be ‘considered, respected, acknowledged, appreciated.’ I see this more and more clearly all around me, especially as the country rises up in resistance, and fights for social justice. People are crying out to be noticed, appreciated, treated with respect – whether they are Muslim, immigrant, women, black, LGBTQ, pregnant, old, sick… People feel forgotten, marginalized, judged, bullied, disrespected. And the basic truth is, we are all people, and we all want to be loved. As Mother Teresa put it, “Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.”

So perhaps the greatest activism begins with the simplest things – love for our children, our families, our neighbors, the other families at the park and at school, the people in the grocery store or at the gas station… And this love can be shown very simply through a hug, a smile, a kind word, a shared laugh… By just remembering the people around us, and giving our time and attention to them, we can enrich them and warm them and nourish them.

And so, though I get tired, disheartened, nauseated, exasperated, I keep loving. Because I really do believe that is what will make a difference – to myself, my kids, my family and friends, my country. Because we are all human, and love keeps us going.